WhitWetPenguin

So I just saw “the vow” with my friend and holly crap great movie but its was really hard for me to handle. There were no parts in it where i could ketch my breath. I recently just got out of the hospital from a brain injury, from a car accident, a lot of it brought back things, other things weren’t realistic. like waking up your drudged up and loopy your not fully conscious for at least a month. and she woke up and she was fully there, that’s not how it works. tho I only lost 2 weeks from my memory, the hole not having memory freaked the hell out of me, they had to keep telling me why I was there over the month of waking up, they just told her once .  what are your thoughts?

I completely forgot I had one. Think i’m gonna start using it.

I miss your smile

I miss you face

I miss the way it was so slender.

I miss your eyes, they popped out and caught me off gaurd.

I miss your smell, something I know to well.

I miss the way you took my breath away.

When I think of your smile, I can no longer breath

When I think of your face I fall slowly into the reckage I am without you.

When I think of your eyes mine start to cry.

When I think of your smell, I start scouringing through my room for something like it

When I think of breathing, I hate that I still can.

I went outside and started talking to the sky, pretended I was talking to you. I told you; I still need you, I still Love you, and you were the truest friend I ever had. I wish somehow I could really tell you this, and you would feel something in return. I’m fighting the urge to tell you I need you in my life. So I just tell the sky.

Maybe its me listening to sad music, or maybe its me looking at pictures of me and him, or his babies? I dont really know. But lots of things are wronge with me, and its really hard to find someone to talk to who will listen to me. Ian, he was the person that I allways talked to , he was my other half, I was so close to him. But he didnt see me that way, he couldnt stay with me forever like I could do so with him. SO what do i do, i go out and I party and do crazy things…..but wait whitney your 17…. you cant go out and party and make-out with everything you see. So this is my conclusion, the reason teenagers have such drastic break ups and become so ‘dramatic’ is because they cant go and get it off there mind, and party.

So I had a realization

that I really dont have a realization.

But yeah, today was kinda a bummy day, I saw a  movie today, it was ok. I went to school it was ok. Life has just become boring with the expected thing that all ways happens, and that little hope that it wont happen; its really the only thing that keeps me sane. So I want to runaway, because life isnt fun unless I’m trying to live it . And life is getting boring, I might try to die soon or later, just to see what might happen. Hmm drugs anyone…..?

I need more friends, everyone is kinda slow with ketching up. I need a gurl fran…. someone who I can giggle with and be like “omg no way tehehehehehhehe”I started to have one of those last year. Now she only talks to me at lunch.  I realize now she plays it naive and she can get anything she wants, and has went through a trial and lost her morals by choosing the easy way out. Last year I also had the awesome friends, she had this “fuck you fuck the world” kinda of thing to her, she wasn’t stupid like I was, and the rest of this town. But unfortunately I screwed that up when I was curious if I liked girls or not….. ( I still dont know the answer to that question ) and now shes the “fuck you fuck this world, your a bitch Whitney” type of girl. Yay Whitney you suck at finding friends.

So yeah I need more friends who know me. Because I’m bored with life and I dont want to be alone….any questions? all right 42